Heartbreak

How can I not post about Orlando… I needed a couple of days to collect myself. No, I am not being dramatic, since I did not personally know any of the victims. I am truly shaken. As in, I had to step out of the office several times during the workday just to gather my thoughts and prevent myself from crying for the last few days. 

My partner vowed never to go to a gay club again. I do not blame her. Honestly, I share her sentiment. As a community, we are afraid. Everywhere I turn, I see mournful Facebook posts and, to make matters worse, there are TVs all over the building where I work, and they only broadcast the news, which means that all I have been seeing is Orlando coverage. There is nowhere to turn. Yes, we need this press out there. Yes, the entire country and the world need to share our heartbreak. Yes, this will never be forgotten. However, the feeling that we have been permanently robbed of our sanctuary prevails. 

What’s next? Something worse? Something massively devastating, as if this isn’t bad enough? I have no way to tell. There is, however, a fracturing of our unity as Americans and human beings that is going on. Especially with this monster running for President. You know who I mean, without me saying its name. 

How do we persevere? How do we stop being afraid? How do we get past some “good Christians” saying that “finally they started shooting perverts”? I believe in God, and nothing will shake my faith. Though this is a little too much. I apologize for this rather depressing post, but I will never apologize for who I am. Yes, supposedly, “never say never.” But I will stand by my right to say it. Never. And never again…

Until later,

E

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